Someone should really make my day right now… Please..
Looked at my grades tonight, no idea how I’m going to explain to the parents that I’m not their perfect child anymore. Just one more thing I’ll get yelled at for.
I wish I had a clone of me that I could go to for advice. One that felt no emotion and never slept, and no matter how fucked up I was feeling could just say what I’d say and fix it like that
Depression is not an act. Eating disorders aren’t phases. Suicide isn’t a coward’s escape. Homosexuality isn’t a disease. Self-harming is not a cry for attention. Stop acting like you know everything. The truth is, you don’t know shit.
Nobody will ever know what I’ve been through, and most who have been through it didn’t survive what was called “joking around”. They didn’t have someone who would listen, or someone who would force them to go get help. Nobody to stop them from from cutting, to stop them taking pills, or help them fall asleep instead of staying up all night thinking without feeling. They didn’t have that one person that meant everything to see them through it and pull them right out before it was too late. They didn’t have that person who would help change their lives, making them a completely new person both inside and out. They lost the fight with depression.
To those mindless fucks who bully people, what you say hurts. You make people feel worthless, lower than shit. You’re the reasons people turn to things like drugs or cutting. Some might do drugs just to get high, but who cuts just to bleed? You’re the reason 4 thousand die every year from suicide. 4 THOUSAND. The tiniest fraction of that is for a reason other than bullying. That’s about what west g has in all 4 schools. Think about that next time you say something to someone - everything you say, or don’t say, has an impact on someone life.
depression is humiliating. it turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. it affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. it scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. you alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. you become pathetic and you know it. and you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. you have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. so you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. if you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. no one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
it’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. it’s an incapacity to function. at all. if you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. if depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. no one chooses it. no one deserves it. it runs in families, it ruins families. you cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. depression is real. just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. compassion is also real. and a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. have a heart. judge not lest ye be judged.
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| — | (via scissors-andblades) |
